I call it My "magic moment", when that insatiable frantic un-relenting severity I need to express and become sated.
My thoughts clear, My desire for technique and precision is lost. The ultimate in violent expression, and a I feel every emotion wills Me to crave what I need.
Admiring the one that suffers for Me, absorbing every whip lash, cane stroke or brutal activity. That breaking point, when I have to stop Myself & rein-back. Testing Myself & My limits to kick in at the right time.
These are all the things I find fascinating with S&M, not only the physical release but the calming influence it has on Me after a very intense scene.
How do other Sadists feel at the moment of clarity?
How do masochists feel, having their Sadist reach that nirvana via them?
I experienced a scene where my partner admitted afterwards she had almost lost control. I didn't ask her why because I enjoy the mystique ...or deflate it by discussing it. It was very painful, although I had not been brought to tears. In the midst of it all I felt deliciously broken by her. The next day I felt very desirable, very elite, very hungry for more with superior women. The buzz eventually wore off, and reality came back. Still the euphoria lasted much longer than the scene. It would have been nice to extend the feeling (Psycho-drama?) longer with a little more communication. To be under dark water for hours..days..., to wait, to yearn ...for the next ritual of submission
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